Some of my readers already know this.
The Knitting in the City books were based on a group of women I met in 2012 while attending an art workshop. We shared a cabin together and had *the best time*. I left the workshop feeling invigorated and brave, so when my work colleague bet me (to write my first book) I did. I always credited those women I met (in part) with inspiring me to write books. At the time, each of them struck me as so awesome. So wonderfully themselves. Such remarkable examples of women, of who I’d like to be.
Over the last 5 years we lost touch. Some of the women disappeared almost immediately (within the first year). Some of the disappearances were more gradual. The last time I spoke with any of the ladies was probably 2015. However, I’ve always thought of each of these women as remarkable, as excellent humans, as proof that female relationships can exist free of pettiness.
Fast forward to last week.
I’ve been thinking a lot about returning to the art workshop. I had an amazing time back in 2012 and would like to recapture that feeling of hope and possibility. So I looked up the workshop forum on Raverly and, in doing so, stumbled across a group using one of my covers as their banner. Initially, I was super excited, because I recognized two of the members’ avatars as belonging to two of the ladies I met in 2012 (two of the original 7 who inspired me in 2012).
So I clicked on the first post in the group and found it actually related to “Penny Reid.” It seems these two women went to the workshop in 2017 and it seems Penny Reid (or I guess, the real me) was a topic of conversation in their cabin this year (the cabin they shared with several other women I’ve never met). And I guess Penny Reid was made fun of quite a lot… or I guess I was.
At first, it made me sad for myself. Like, really, really sad. Maybe a little heartbroken.
But as I thought about it over the weekend (because I couldn’t stop thinking about it) ultimately, I felt sad for them. I’d been holding these women up on pedestals in my mind, examples of smart, strong, brave, generous, good women. Women who didn’t need to tear other people down to build themselves up.
Clearly, I was wrong. How sad for them.
That stated, I can’t bring myself to be too upset about their inauthenticity. Even if they were lying to me the whole time, they still set me on a course that has made my life better.
Their deception allowed me to meet and interact with women who actually are smart, strong, and brave; women who truly don’t need to tear other people down to build themselves up.
<3 Penny
Penny Reid is the New York Times, Wall Street Journal, and USA TODAY Bestselling Author of the Winston Brothers, Knitting in the City, Rugby, and Hypothesis series. She used to spend her days writing federal grant proposals as a biomedical researcher, but now she just writes books. She’s also a full time mom to three diminutive adults, wife, daughter, knitter, crocheter, sewer, general crafter, and thought ninja.
You have made an excellent point. Even when we are disillusioned with the foibles of the real person, we can appreciate what they brought out in us.
I’ve often had the discussion with my BFF as well as other authors about the people who I assumed would be on this journey with me having seemingly abandoned me. Family. Friends. Roommates. People who I thought would support me as I had supported them at different times in their lives. I wish I could let go so easily. It’s something I’m working on. Every day. But like you, I can’t lament this unbelievable journey I’m on, taking me places I never thought I’d go, with people I’d otherwise not have met. My life is better because of these new friends and I need to hold onto that while letting go of the past.
dang.
i am so sorry, unexpected hurts still just…hurt.
good for you for seeing the silver lining and taking something positive away from this whole experience. i am grateful for the powerful and kind women in my life- and the characters you have shared with us through your writing.
thank you for writing about what can be and (hopefully!) helping us all strive to emulate that in our own friendships
I can’t help it, this makes me so extremely sad. Sad for how this made you feel, and sad for them for letting their judgmental pettiness blind them and resulting ultimately in the loss of being able to get to know such an amazing person. You. <3
This is incredibly sad for the trashtalkers. They may have initially inspired this storyline, but you are the one who did all the hard work.
Penny, everyday your books are out there entertaining people. You took a chance and have become successful. I learn from every book you write. You pique my curiosity with the intelligence it takes to write your books. It doesn’t take intelligence to be petty.
I agree with Jenn. It’s truly their loss but I’m impressed that you worked through the initial heartache to see the silver lining. That’s not easy to do and I’m grateful to see someone whose characters are authentic and genuinely happy for their fellow friends. Much as I love the men you create, the decency of the women is what makes me fall in love with your stories. I’m grateful for your spirit and talent and feel like you’re a soul mate (as I’m sure many of your fans can relate).
I posted this the other day on my FB . More thoughts after quotes
Quotes from a favorite author followed by thoughts on fear and self-worth.
“What was Anna’s greatest mistake?” Without thinking too much about it, I responded, “Allowing others to define her worth rather than having a strong sense of self.”
“If you know who you are, rejection matters very little. It says more about the small-mindedness of the person who is doing the rejecting than it does about you.”
“Pride is just another word for insecurity and fear—again, having no strong sense of self or worth. If pride is the driving force behind your decisions, then your life is going to suck.”
– Anna in Nobody Looks Good in Leather Pants by Penny Reid
Did you reread what you wrote ? Don’t let them impact you.
I want you to know that I love your writing as it is funny, smart, with absolutely great characters and storylines. I am jealous of those original ladies – They got to spend time with you. What I would give to spend an hour talking to you, much less a weekend. They squandered that gift of friendship. Shame on them. One day I hope to become a writer. I dream of the day I get to go to a convention and meet the women writers who inspire me with their writing – That is you at the top of this list.
Forget about em! Remember peasants are really fun and we throw great parties!
This makes me sad especially because I’ve had similar experiences. You are right though-it’s a good reminder of how special and valuable authentic relationships are-heck, how awesome and rare authentic people are.
It is sad but true that this happens in life sometimes. I wish I could give you a hug because: 1. You are AWESOME, 2. You inspire and embolden so many women, most of which you have never met before, and 3. NOBODY deserves this. Thank you for being you. I think you should take this as a sign that you should start your own art/knitting workshop weekend (Debbie Macomber does something similar every year). I think getting a bunch of women who you’ve brought together with your words together in person can only result in awesomeness and hilarity.
<3 always
I learn this lesson all the time over and over again I want to think it is because I want to see the best in people and I am trusting but I am not so sure. But what I do know is you took an uncomfortable discovery and turned into a positive. When I am able to do that and it is not all that often mind you, I think OK that was the reason that happened.
Well, this is enlightening. I guess even smart, brace women *can* be jealous. And I’m sure that’s where their pettiness comes from. Sending you only love and respect, Penny!
I adore you.
OUCH!
But I too am grateful those women inspired you to become the Penny Reid we all know & love.
Your attitude about this is incredible. I hope to one day feel as you do toward those who’ve hurt me.
Don’t let these delusional women tear you down. You’re an awesome writer and I always look forward to all your books/newsletters. I wish I could give you a hug right now! You just keep being you! It’s worked out very well for you so far right?
There’s that saying that you have friends for a reason, season, or lifetime. Clearly, at least 2 of the 7, were in your life for a brief season and clearly the reason to inspire you. I’m grateful for that inspiration!
This makes me sad that these women didn’t realize what an amazing person you are and your generous capacity to give back. It’s their loss frankly and our gain since they inspired you to bring your readers such joy and wonder in your books. Thank you for being you – even if these women don’t realize it, your readers do!! <3
You are a Marvelous person & Great Author & Mom!
Im sad for them.
To think they lost out on the awesomeness that are you.
Im thankfull to them for inspiring you to share your talent with the world.
But mostly I feel sorry for them.
I’m thankful to those women since without them I wouldn’t have had your books to get through my own hard times. I’m glad you wrote your books 🙂
You are the best Ever!!!
I am sorry to hear (read about) this but I’m glad you are not allowing this to get you down and lose faith in people. Women in particular. Sadly, there are people like this. Reading your books, I could tell that you are a kind, compassionate, reasonable and smart human being and I am grateful to have stumbled upon you and your writing. I wish there were more people like you in the world. Someone who doesn’t feel the need to tear other people down just to build themselves up, someone who always see the good in people and not allow negativity from others to shape their view of the world. Keep being you and keep being a wonderful person/author.
I’m so so sorry. Ugh. I just teared up when reading this because I get it. You learned from them, you took something deep away. You recreated and created something beautiful and they apparently don’t get it? They don’t understand something that I know must have come from inside you. And guess what, you’re also pretty damn successful. WHAT WERE THEY MAKING FUN OF ANYWAY? I’m so angry too. Did they read your books? I’m reading the second KitC book right now and I’m in love with the strength these women share with each other. The way their lives are intertwined. The way the women support their unique differences. I’m sorry I’m also new to your books having started with the WB series and working my way through the rest, so some of this may have gone over my head and I don’t know the history. I just want to say that your words have inspired me. I’m not just gushing, I mean I feel like I’ve been reading nonstop the last few years, and I think fiction is often underrated as a place to learn and grow from reading, and possibly romance even more so – but these stories you write, and a few other authors out there, the stories that take us into a deeper understanding of how people tick. Where you learn things. Where you laugh and cry and connect. Where you connect with characters and stop feeling so alone? And I guess full circle where you connect with other women and observe them connecting with each other would be what I love about this series. Okay so clearly I got a little fired up. I’m sorry people are petty, or at least that’s what it sounds like. I’m sorry that they hurt you and I hope responses from your readers can combat that hurt. Your words matter to me and I want more of them.
Wow! And good for you Penny. I am glad that experience has given us the amazing books I have come to love and cherish since discovering you.
I know you’re taking the high road here and I truly admire that, but I’m going to say it anyway.
BITCHES.
Just picture me down here on the low road, waving a couple middle fingers.
I won’t be offended if you don’t publish this/take this down. 🙂
You are an incredibly talented human and the things you create bring me joy. So thank you.
Sometimes people suck. These women obviously do. But what I love about this post is how you chose to react to said suckiness. You keep on being your wonderful, authentic self. The people who love you don’t give a flying rats peach orchard about what these crotchety old women think anyway.
Going through something like this gives us an opportunity to decide – are we going to walk the walk, or just talk the talk? Your decision to find what you are grateful for in the midst of all the hurt shows that you are deciding well. I hope you consider yourself one of the smart, strong, brave, generous, good women….because it’s obvious that you are 🙂
I can scarcely imagine how that would have felt…..and yet I think I’ve felt that very same thing so many times, growing up. It always is surprising to me because my head and my heart just do NOT work that way. It makes me want to let you know that there are many amazing women in this world and even in this city (Seattle 🙂 ) who are not like this, so I hope it doesn’t bump your trust too much. I find your artistry in your writing to be remarkable. Your combination of humor/wit woven into “real” people with unique challenges….well, I just adore them. I also find you to be uniquely brave in sharing the tender stories (like this one) ^^^ with us. I think we all learn from one another and it makes us stronger and more resilient, in the end. Sending you the hugest sister hug!!!!!!
Wow, this breaks my heart… maybe because I pretty much think you’re the greatest thing since the audiobook! This … and my natural introvertedness (notaword) … may explain why I only have a few very close girl friends. And even they can sometimes cause pain and disappointment.
It is a sad day when I hear a stories where women do not respect or are supportive of the success of other women. Always hold your head high as it is their loss not yours.
Ever since I found your books you have become my all time favorite author. I have re-read your books over and over again. My god, I have read passages from your books to my husband. Trust me when I say that I have never done that in 9 yrs of marriage. On more than one occasion I have looked for more information on topics in your books (OCD, women with OCD wanting children, bitcoins , e.e. Cummings) to name a few. You make me want to learn more. And I thank you for that. Ps I like the idea that SQ had for you to have your own art/knitting workshop. You Are Amazing.
I don’t want to criticize those ladies as it will serve no constructive purpose. However, I am grateful that (in part) they inspired you to write. I stumbled upon Dating-ish soon after it was released and have been obsessed with your books ever since. I love that they are “smart” romances that show how strong and capable women can be, yet incredibly sexy at the same time. I also love that your stories can make me laugh so hard I can’t catch my breath and then later bring me to tears. You are an excellent writer and I am sure the pettiness of these women from the cabin stems from jealousy. Your books have brought together a great group of people on Facebook who love your work. If you are ever feeling down, just read the posts from your Sharks you’ll be smiling in no time.
Hi Penny! At first I was very shocked in your behalf. I must have started and deleted a comment several times. Once I really thought about it I realized it makes sense to me now. You always write books about real people with real issues and real emotions. You do not always write just about the good things they do. You often tell us about their faults. So that group of imperfect ladies were real people that decided to do things that weren’t very nice. Unfortunately, that is how a lot of people are today. Most of your fans are happy that you met those ladies. Because if you hadn’t you might not be writing all these wonderful books for us. And we need your books. They are fabulous! So I am glad you decided to brush your shoulders off and move on. Maybe you could even make one or two of them villains in one of your next books. 🙂
What a bummer of a way to live! You’re a delight and I’m so glad you’ve flipped the dialogue on this and allowed yourself to be grateful, even when it sucks and takes some mental discipline. Cheers to building others up!
I just wanted to say that:
(1) I am glad you’ve met these women before, because they had inspired you to write an amazing book series,
And
(2) you are probably one of the few attendees of the workshop who were inspired enough to make good art afterwards, and do pretty well at it.
It’s very easy to become jealous of someone doing something that you’ve talked talked talked about, but have never done. I say this as a person who gets jealous of my college friends who have succeeded where I haven’t. Jealousy manifests in different ways in people; in some it inspires a person to work harder; in others it makes them want to tear someone down.
This comment is appearing weeks after you originally posted, because as a fan of your books, I felt like googling you to see if I could figure out when the next book is coming out.
It stings (and stinks) to find out that someone is making fun of you.
I’m so glad you can still feel grateful for the journey they have sent you on – even if it was not intentional. I’m certainly glad to see where you are now and I’m excited to keep following your journey. Rock on!
I find you to be such an inspiration and phenomenal person! Your humor, wit, gracious realness in your writing have really saved me this year. I am so grateful to have found your books, so impressed with your newsletter and just find your blog and posts extremely heartwarming. You are the real deal good people! Hah! Right in the feels! 😉 Keep being you, and know you are admired, loved and a real asset to women everywhere.
Hi,
I’m a former yarn shop employee, knitting teacher & knitwear designer living in Chicago & I made most of my friends in this city via a “Sci-fi Knitting Club.” I’m also a voracious Romance reader, so when you first started publishing the Knitting in the City series, I was kind of like caps lock-WOAH because I’d never read a Romance synopsis so in line with my niche experience. I mean, my knitting group includes multiple scientists & a math professor! And though my RL sphere of “knitters in the city” involves more tattoos, gay men, and racial diversity, I’ve really enjoyed your fictional knitters & their adventures.
My heart hurt for you all day yesterday after I read this post. And I found myself feeling really disappointed in those ladies I’ve never met who were mean to you – another person I’ve never met – on Ravelry! I think the way you’ve processed their betrayal is really healthy & admirable. And not to be too woowoo-fruity but I’m sending some of the supportive sisterhood energy from the rad, nerdy Chicago knitting ladies I know on to you. ❤️
That’s so disappointing about those women. I would think that if they recognized their contribution to your story idea, that they would be pleased. I suppose it is some kind of jealousy. Unfortunate for them to miss out on so much, and bitterly disappointing for you. You’ve created something wonderful here, and I can tell you I wish I had a set of friends like that. (Most of my friends used to be friends but now don’t speak. Oy.) I enjoy the friendship as much as I enjoy the romance, possibly more.
And here I told my children that once they are out of high school and in the real world adults do not act like that. Sorry to hear I’m wrong. Or maybe some people just never mature. I am so angry on your behalf and glad to know that you’ve found the good in this situation.
Penny Penny Penny…. its your wide eyed wonder and belief in humanity along with your deep understanding of the human condition which make us who we are, is what makes your stories so endearing. That anyone could or would make “fun” of you is telling enough.
I can imagine it hurt deeply. I’m sorry you experienced that. And I can imagine it will make it into one of your stories So thank them for that. You are an accomplished author with a devoted fan base that grows daily.. They are squishing sour grape sundaes. Sucks to be them…
Head held high, smile on your face, steel toed boots on. Life’s a bitch. What’s next!?
Mean girls grow up to be mean women I guess. Well, not really grow up; that implies some maturation. So I guess mean girls just get bigger and older.
I hate that this happened to you and I hate that it’s true. And, selfishly, I’m so glad you experienced the first part and it provided the catalyst for your work. Because your work has brought me so much pleasure; from your books and from the virtual, and to me very real, community that’s sprung up all around them.
A cautious and logical reaction to an experience like that would be to withdraw – and avoid new encounters with the potential for that sort of hurt and betrayal. From my perspective, as a fan and member of one of the virtual communities you’ve catalyzed, it feels like you’ve been courageous (and maybe illogical) taking on new encounters one right after another. Thanks. I’m grateful. And for what it’s worth – you seem pretty awesome to me.
Women can be such bitches! I’m sorry they hurt you. It’s their loss. You have an amazing gift and you’re the better person. Maybe someday they’ll realize what they had done and apologize, but I suspect you will grow (if not already) from the experience. Just know there is an abundance of people out there that’d welcome you into their circle of friendship.
Gosh! I’ve thought as I’ve read each of your books that I wished you were a neighbor or a co-worker because due to the nature of my work I have not had a lot of close girlfriends. Your heroines make me laugh, inspire me, and reinforce my gratitude for being a ‘smart girl’! You have quickly become my favorite author, and I feel a little less lonely when I’m hanging out with your women. I am reading old posts and this one made me sad. I would have been happy to have gotten to know you, and since most of my close friends and family use the word ‘zany’ when describing me, I think you probably would have enjoyed getting to know me too!! Keep writing and I’ll keep reading!!